Unthinkable

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Unthinkable.   As I sat in the precious lower school Grandparent’s Day performance watching my little one sing cheerful Christmas songs, I received the first newsflash on my phone.  Shooting in an elementary school.  Somehow it did not seem real.  Or maybe I just didn’t want my mind to even go there.  Too close to the heart.  Too horrible.  Too much. 

Throughout the day, more updates.  More horror.  Thankful for print media, I found myself avoiding television.  Can’t watch the faces.  Can’t hear the horror stories from the mouths of babes.  Little ones like my own experiencing terror beyond belief.  They should be having their own Christmas programs, not hiding from gunmen in locked bathrooms.  I can’t even let my mind wander there for fear that I may lose it completely, melting into a puddle of sobs for these poor families.  It is simply TOO MUCH to bear. 

If anyone ever had doubt, let today’s events put that doubt to rest.  Satan is REAL.  Not a cute little devil with red horns and a pitchfork, but an angel of darkness, who comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  Pure evil, through to the core.  And his fury is being unleashed because he knows his time is short.

I pray that through this unthinkable tragedy that people will be drawn to the source of light and beauty.  The one who gives abundant life and freedom- Jesus, the Christ. 

I hope that this Christmas, people see beyond the Santas and toys.  The material things that dominate the Holiday season will never fill the void that we all innately have.  There is no amount of material goods that will ever make these families in Connecticut feel better about what has happened today.  Toys and donations will never bring true joy- to the giver or the receiver. That is nothing but a lie that the evil one Satan wants us to believe.  Dear friends, joy and life come from none other than Jesus.  He came so that we may have life, and have it to the full.  How poignant that we are in the season of celebration of His birth! 

As I continue on towards Christmas, I feel a prompting to pray in a way that is different from Christmases past.  We have just witnessed evil in its truest form in the events that unfolded today.  May that awaken us to things spiritual, and lead us as a nation to seek the Father, the giver of life, the one true light in this world. 

God Rest Ye Bloggy Gentlemen

Blah. Yucky day, yucky surroundings, yucky me.  Here it is Sunday- the light of the week, and instead of being dressed in my Sunday best at the Lord’s house listening to words of truth being spoken in a house of believers, here I am sitting alone in sweats in my messy house with goop on my peeling face.  Even the pool is in on it.  Instead of listening to songs being sung by God’s people, I am listening to the pool filter labor an unpleasant, cyclic snore.  Let me back up a little…

The past year has been a mixed bag for me.  On the bright side, my practice and family are doing well.  No major problems in any way, really.  Despite the world economy, EAPD continues to grow and thrive.  I finished up my stint on the ADA’s New Dentist Committee- very rewarding both professionally and personally. The kids are healthy, grades are good, we traveled a lot as a family and I would like to say that we are closer and stronger as a family as a result.  All good things, right? Absolutely.  All the great blessing that we pray for- health, finances, relationships- all good.  God is good.  Yet with all those blessings, I find myself in my yucky little “place.”  Here is how it happened…

 It may come as no surprise, but I have this innate need to be busy.  Time sitting still is time wasted, right?  I could do a million different things in those precious moments thrown away while resting.  Never just watch a television show- you should fold clothes while watching.  Do not sit on the porch and enjoy a phone call- save that for when you are forced to sit, you know, like when you are driving.  ALWAYS kill 2 birds with one stone.  Maximize time-efficiency.  Multitasking is my middle name.

While it seems that maybe this eccentric trait is positive (after all, we all want to be as productive as possible, right?), what I have found this year is that I am wearing my own self out.  God has indeed blessed me richly, and in my gratitude of these things, I felt as though I needed to show my appreciation by moving forth in boldness with even more “projects” for His glory. Expand my business to help more of the less fortunate.  Do more for others.  Teach more.  Lead more.  Organize more activities.  All good and worthwhile projects!  But in the process, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me…

“I loved you even before you did all these things.”

Wow.  I am Martha. But if you recall in the story, while Martha was doing a really great job of preparing her home for the disciples (she was probably dusting off her best china and sterling, was ironing out the nice linen napkins that were only for “show” and had filet mignon rubbed and ready to go on the grill.  I can only imagine the tablescapes.  Probably straight out of Southern Galilean Living), it was Mary who got the praise because she simply rested at Jesus’ feet.  Rest.  What a novel idea.

My type-A ambitious self has a hard time with that.  I wish I could say that when I heard these words from the Holy Spirit that I turned and changed my actions.  But I struggle.  Daily.  And that is what got me to where I am on this aptly dreary Sunday morning. As I work myself into project-oblivion, I have noticed that my once clear, elastic skin is looking a bit, well, old.  I must confess that the gray hairs are more frequent as well, and after looking back at some pictures of me when the kids were very young, I was startled at what has happened to me in these past few years.  In my head I know that age is inevitable (and certainly better than the alternative), it is still somehow shocking to realize that it is happening to ME.  So I did what seemed the most logical- I went to the spa seeking something to MAKE IT STOP.  The result- chemical peel.  What seemed like a good idea at the time has given me peeling lizard skin which I have to keep greased down to keep away the sensation that jellyfish tentacles have been rubbed into my face.  I decided to remain home in my peeliness, lest I scare the entire youth Sunday School department by showing them the brutal reality of what they, too, will one day be facing if God blesses them with life into the middle-aged years.

Funny how in my scrambling to correct some of the physical manifestations of the stress that I created through my ambitious nature, where do I end up?  Home.  Resting.  Sitting at Jesus’ feet, soaking in His word in my messy yet quiet house.  The Martha in me wants to clean up the clutter of the Christmas wrapping paper and go outside and figure out what is making my pool filter make that snoring sound and then start on lunch for my family and then maybe make a pound cake to give away to a friend, and wow there is a lot of laundry that needs folding, and then if there is time left, I will definitely sit down and have a quiet time.  That is, if my eyes will stay open before falling asleep. 

But this Christmas season (and beyond), it is my intention to rest more.  Plan and do less.  I sense God telling me to simply have a season of rest.  He doesn’t need me to thank him by doing or giving more.  All the earth is His anyway.  I think He just wants me to for once sit still and enjoy the blessings that he has already given me.  He wants me to sit and enjoy HIM. That is what grace is- we do not have to earn His love.  He loved us before we even thought about loving Him back.  And because of that amazing love, I have freedom.  Freedom from even my own crazy works-nature.

I hope that you also have the blessing of rest this season.  I know for many friends, 2012 has been a season of trials.  Many have had health problems.  Many have lost dearly loved ones.  Many have experienced financial hardship. Relational problems.  Divorce.  The list goes on.  We are not immune to hardship.  But no matter if the problems are self-inflicted like mine or simply what life throws at you, take comfort in these words:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

Rest.  Sounds glorious, doesn’t it?  This is my prayer for you.  In the middle of this crazy world, let Him take the burdens, and find rest for your soul. 

Merry Christmas to you and your family, and may 2013 be a season of rest, peace, and joy for you all. 

Love,

Keri

Keri and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I guess I should have seen it coming.

It started a few weeks back when I began the booking process for my trip to Sacramento.  I am going to a ADPAC board meeting as a New Dentist Liaison.  For those of you snickering, I know that I am no longer truly a new dentist (the grey hairs and date on the diploma reflects that) but I began my committee appointment as a new dentist so they let me hang on and pretend to feel young.  Anyway, as I was saying, when I started to book the flight I stared at the computer in disbelief as I discovered that a good flight schedule was nonexistent.  The only flight to Sacramento is  at 8:05 Eastern, which puts me at leaving my house at 4am.  *sigh*  And did I mention that the best option for the return flight is the red-eye, with a very tight connection in LA?  *double sigh*

But who needs sleep anyway, right?  So yesterday I finished work, came home, completed a conference call and started my packing.  Since I have a tight connection on the return, I cannot check bags, so I feel a little proud of myself as I fit all my clothes and shoes into the microscopic carryon-sized suitcase. And then came my second indication of things to come.  As I repacked my trusty travel toiletry bag, I reached in to empty it and an uncapped razor sliced my right ring fingertip.  *sigh*  Add bandaids to the toiletry bag.

The kids get off to bed, lots of sweet hugs because no one wants to voluntarily get up to see me off  in the morning.  And then comes the morning...

Annoying alarm.  I hate beeps.  Check the scale (ever hopeful because I am trying to get some last few Christmas pounds off)- No loss.  Bad hair.  Blurry, dry, baggy eyes.  Sad attempt at makeup.  Fix the coffee (finding that my wonderful husband has set the coffeemaker to come on so I do not have to wait on it to heat up *smile*).  Out the door.

The car is outside, not in the garage because we are housing my dad's Model A Ford right now (since the Christmas parades), and I have put off the task of reorganizing the garage to make room for all the vehicles.  This means that the car windows are frosted over, and as usual I forget this detail and did not turn the car on sooner to defrost.  As I am getting my bags in the car, my coffee cup melts the frost on the top of the car and slides off, splattering my precious coffee all over my feet. I hold back tears. I get in the car and discover that I have not a moment to spare- no time to defrost, much less go make more coffee.  So I have to open the window (did I mention that it is COLD?) to look backwards out the side of the car to back out of the driveway.  Sadly, I have done this many times before because remembering to defrost car windows is not one of my character strengths.  Well, maybe it was the bleary eyes, or me still mourning over the coffee, but I missed the driveway big time, hit the crepe myrtle by the street ,and now my car has no right rear quarter panel.  Brent heard the crash and ran downstairs in time to pick up the big piece of fiberglass that fell off my car and wish me well as I got back into my gimped up car and drove away.

If you know me well, you know that I rarely slow down.  I always have 1000 things to do, people to call back, reports to write, house projects to accomplish (though at this point I am thinking that I really should put off something else in order to bring garage reorganization to the top of the priority list).  But car travel time is precious. I like quiet, no radio most of the time, but just thinking time. And I really needed it today. After about 30 minutes of silent peace and a few prayers, I finally turned on the radio and picked up a pastor on 93.3 out of Atlanta.  No surprise- he was talking to me.

He was preaching from I Thessalonians 5:16-18.   Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I listened, humbled, and enjoyed the rest of my drive as my attitude and energy was renewed.  Funny how that happens.

So I park and board the little bus and was greeted by the most spunky lady driver. She had no idea, but she was such a blessing to me.  Her cheerful demeanor at this early hour (6:45 my time) was the best thing that had happened to me so far in this bummer of a morning.  I do not believe in coincidences- I believe that God placed her there on my parking row just so she could help turn my attitude and point me to a different mindset.  She had us laughing on the way to the drop off.  Unbelievable.  Blessed.

Since then, things have looked up considerably!  But let me be clear here- it is not because the circumstances in my life started going right.  The guy in  front of me at security jerked his bag over my foot, made it bleed, and never even turned around to look. At least I packed bandaids.  I FINALLY got coffee and it was the worst cup I think I have ever been served at a coffee stand.  I couldn't even drink it.  But "coincidentally" there was another Seattle's best right next door to my gate and a wonderful man working there made me another one for free.  I have realized that I left my phone charger, earphones, and airplane laptop adapter at home.  Completely forgot to pack them.  No chewing gum for the flight, and my ears are terrible at flying.  And I am not sure any of you have ever tried to type and use a laptop with a bandaged middle finger, but trust me, you use that finger a LOT.  Bandaids hang on the little buttons, and scrolling on the little sensor is impossible.

But as I put things in perspective, I remember the apostle Paul's instruction- rejoice ALWAYS.  Pray CONTINUALLY.  Give thanks in ALL circumstances.  I am thankful that I have reliable transportation, even without a rear quarter panel.  I am thankful that I have use of my hands and feet, even if bandaged.  I am thankful for the privilege of going to meetings with esteemed colleagues, even if it does mean a crappy flight schedule and a little time away from home.

I am not sure what is waiting for me in California, but I am ready to face it with smiles and praise.  I can see the snow covered mountains out my tiny airplane window and am reminded of God's greatness.  He created such an awesome masterpiece, yet still cares enough for little me that He would speak through a radio pastor and bus driver to teach me perspective, and hammer my flawed character to reflect Him just a little bit more.

Christmas Card... again

So I finally gave into the Apple craze last month and turned in my Blackberry for an iphone.  And yes, now I see what all the smug iphone/apple users have been talking about all this time.  I have gone gaga for Apple.  While it has a gajillion apps and has potential to do things that totally blow my mind, my favorite feature thus far is the Free Scrabble app.  My kids, husband and I have an obsession with playing each other, and I must confess that there have been many nights where responsibilities were neglected, just so that I could contemplate how to score the most points on my next word.  One neat thing about the game is that there is a “teacher” feature.  After you place your word, the teacher will show you what you COULD have scored if you were as smart as the computer.  Sometimes the teacher icon will smile at me, sometimes frown, but I have been known to make the teacher show it’s horrified, “I cannot believe you are that stupid” face.    This morning as I was getting ready for work and thinking about this Christmas season and all the things that have happened over the course of 2011, I felt like the teacher- at myself! 

Every year I try to get some decent picture of my family or my children and send it out to a few friends, some far and some near.  And though some photos are better than others (thanks to my great friend and photographer Jamie), I always want to put out our best effort- a pretty picture with everyone smiling and as few hairs out of place as possible.  You know- the same face you put on when you walk into church on Sunday, though the morning up to that point might have been filled with chaos, fussing, and threats of punishment if certain attitudes do not cease.  Yet we get out of the car and smile like nothing happened.  Somehow my Christmas card seemed like that- a nice front, but in many ways not real.  It doesn’t show who we are, or what matters.

So even though I have never done so before, I felt it necessary to write a little piece on what has actually been going on with the Millers this year.  I will say up front that 2011 was good to us.  We feel blessed, and undeservedly so.  But we feel that with those blessings comes the responsibility to serve those who are having difficulties. 

In January, Brent took his first ever mission trip to the Dominican Republic.  This week was a life changer for him, as he saw areas of utter poverty like we do not have in the states, and was able to share with some of the Dominicans the gospel of Jesus Christ.  He came back a different man, with his eyes opened to missions, and is now planning on going again in 2012, this time taking Brooks with him.  We pray that these efforts will bear eternal fruit, both in their lives and in those that they are going to meet.  Brent also has made a career change this year, and has reactivated his real estate license to work with Keller Williams of Auburn.  For many years, Brent has been a servant to our family by sacrificing his own career aspirations in order for me to tend to the demands of my office and career.  He has served as janitor and bookkeeper in this office, he has been the carpooler, he has been on the fieldtrips, and stayed at home many time with sick children when I could not.  But hopefully this new venture will allow him to have the flexibility that our family still needs while allowing him to meet some personal career goals as well. 

As for myself, I continue to try and juggle the duties of mom, dentist, business owner, and wife.  I will be the first to admit that I do not do this well, but my type A personality does not allow me to give up any of these hats easily.  So like the circus performer that spins the plates on the little sticks, I juggle (with the occasional crash).  This summer, we found a house that we love and moved- our 8^th move as a family, and hopefully our last for a long time!  I am still on the American Dental Association’s New Dentist Committee, and though I love the experience and the travel, it is one more plate to spin.  But it has been a lot of fun, and we have tried to take advantage of the trips so our children could experience different cities across the nation.  This fall, I purchased and merged the practice of a retiring pediatric dentist into mine.  This has been a challenge to implement, but has been fruitful thus far.  Many of you know that we dedicated this practice to doing God’s work- being the hands of Jesus for children who may be hurting.  Little did we know that we would encounter so much more- we see so many families with needs so great.  Just last week, we saw a child whose father had recently died and the grandparents had gotten custody.  While they were in our office, his mother was in an accident and died as well.  Please pray that we can serve not only the dental needs of these children but be receptive to the overall needs of these families as well.  While our family did not experience any tragedies, so very many around us did.  We have several friends who got the terrible news of cancer this year.  Many dear friends lost a parent.  Some had (and still do) have children in the hospital battling terrible illnesses.  And there were the tornadoes…

As Alabamians, many of us still vividly remember the April tornadoes.  We were at the ballpark watching Brooks play when we got word that Tuscaloosa had been hit.  As it unfolded, we all knew we had to do something to help.  So with the help of many wonderful and generous friends, we collected some things for a few families and took them in a trailer to distri bute in Tuscaloosa.  What we saw was mind blowing, devastation like we have never seen before.  We got to hear stories of how God’s hand protected each of these families when everything but the room they were in was totally destroyed.  I am so glad that our children were able to be a part of that relief effort, and I hope that the memories of serving will stay with them forever.  Little did we know that our community would be on the receiving end of some charity when tornadoes blew through Auburn last month, dancing around 3 of our schools and many, many houses.  Thankfully, there was no loss of life, but just lots of downed trees that serve as a visual reminder of God’s grace in sparing lives.

I have really had an issue with finding peace this Christmas.  Despite my attempts to try to minimize and not get caught up in the worldly aspects of the season, I continue to struggle.  At the first of December I came across John 16:33, where Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." In the end, I find true peace only in Jesus.  And though we have not had major troubles like so many have had this past year, we see it as our duty to serve those who have.  Our time is coming, after all.  But instead of putting on those shining perfect smiles for Christmas, I just thought it was about time that we got real.  Merry Christmas from the Millers!  And praying for a blessed 2012 for all.